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Old 11-27-2022, 02:01 PM
  #251  
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Build Review

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are trapped underground in a collapsed mine.

After some exploring of the area, they come across three rations of canned food that they all agree will allow them to survive for a few more days. Naturally, they all decide that each of them should have one of the three cans of food; unfortunately, none of them possess anything with which to open them.

The engineer promptly begins to throw his can as hard as he can against the wall of the mine, over and over, until it somehow breaks open. He proceeds to devour his meal in satisfaction.

Meanwhile, the physicist proceeds to analyze the structure of the can, looking for any potential weak spots in it to exploit. After some searching, he notices a flaw in his can and uses that to pry open the can, happy that he can also eat and survive a bit longer.

The mathematician, however, is a bit saddened. After thinking for some about what he wants to do to try and open the can, he proclaims out loud to the other men:

"Suppose the can is open."
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Old 11-29-2022, 12:29 PM
  #252  
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Question

100 is a nice round number

The European is visiting the United States for the first time: So how many cents in a dollar?

The American: 100, of course

The European: 100? Why not 62*, or 37*?

The American: 62? What are you talking about? It's 100. Of course, it is. It's a nice round number and easy to calculate. 62? You crazy Europeans.

The European: Right, gotcha. Thank you! So how many feet in a mile?

The American: Go back to Europe!
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Old 12-01-2022, 11:31 AM
  #253  
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A driver in England stops for a hitchhiker. The hitchhiker is a Dalek.

Driver: Where ya headed, mate?

Dalek: Devon, mate.

Driver: That's where I'm going. Where in Devon?

Dalek: Exeter, mate. Exeter, mate. Exeter, mate.
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Old 12-02-2022, 01:45 PM
  #254  
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Question

What do you call a metric cookie?

A gram cracker.
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Old 12-03-2022, 02:32 PM
  #255  
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A physics teacher writes a question on a board

"A 40 kg child that is 100 cm tall is holding a parent's arms swinging them 0.5 revolutions a second. If the parent let go of the child after 2 seconds, where will the child end up?"

A few moments later, the teacher then comes over and reads a student's answer:

"In a foster home."
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Old 12-03-2022, 02:35 PM
  #256  
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I went to an I.T.-themed restaurant the other day. It had motherboards on the walls, the place mats looked like keyboards, the cutlery had USB sticks for handles, you get the idea.

But the waitstaff seemed sad. Really, really sad. The host was sighing as we walked to my table – he was a web developer and he hated the menus. The bartender didn’t like the space bar. And I caught my waiter crying after he took my order. I didn’t understand why all the servers were down.

So when I saw the task manager, I asked him what was wrong.

He said, seems your food keeps getting stuck in testing. I asked if it needed to be debugged. He told me those aren’t bugs, they’re features.

I asked if I could get some chips while I waited. He told me only if I also accepted all cookies. I said no.

Then BLAM! He hit me. I said what the heck was that?! He said, a denial of service attack.

I started to curse him out, but he threw me out for being a cursor.

Jokes on him though: I didn't have enough cache anyway.
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Old 12-04-2022, 01:42 PM
  #257  
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New viruses

Coming to a hard drive near you, the worst computer viruses yet:

AT&T Virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you’re getting.

MCI Virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you’re paying too much for the AT&T virus.

Paul Revere Virus: Warns of impending hard disk attack—once if by LAN, twice if by C:>.

Politically Correct Virus: Never calls itself a “virus.” Instead, it’s an “electronic microorganism.”

Government Spokesman Virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
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Old 12-05-2022, 12:59 PM
  #258  
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Red face

Doctors have just discovered another deadly pathogen, they are calling the Peekaboo Virus.

Doctors are sending anyone with Peekaboo, straight to ICU.
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Old Yesterday, 12:44 PM
  #259  
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I made a video about the symbiotic relationships between fungus and algae.

Don't forget to lichen subscribe!
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Old Today, 01:12 PM
  #260  
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Exclamation

Wife: honey, the space heater just died.
Me (trying not to panic): you mean… the… the sun?!
Wife (rolling eyes): sigh
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