Humor Have some funny jokes or stories? All is fair game except political, religious or too explicit.


Old 01-25-2019, 11:12 PM
Don Sims
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Middle Tennessee
Posts: 14,684
info Test

1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the
Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token
of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small
but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing
all disease, providing an
infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and
poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence
all over the entire Earth.
You decide to:
A. Present it to the President of the United States.
B. Present it to the Secretary General of the United
C. Take it apart.

2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful
life do you miss the most?
A. Innocence.
B. Idealism.
C. Cherry bombs.

3. When is it okay to kiss another male?
A. When you wish to display simple and pure affection
without regard for narrow-minded social conventions.
B. When he is the Pope. (Not on the lips.)
C. When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is
the only really sportsman - like way to let him know that,
for business reasons, you have to have him killed.

4. In your opinion, the ideal pet is:
A. A cat.
B. A dog.
C. A dog that eats cats.

5. You have been seeing a woman for several years. She's
attractive and intelligent, and you always enjoy
being with her. One leisurely Sunday afternoon the two of
you are taking it easy. You're watching a football game;
she's reading the papers when she suddenly, out of the clear
blue sky, tells you that she thinks she really loves you,
but, she can no longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing
where your relationship is going. She says she's not asking
whether you want to
get married; only whether you believe that you have some
kind of future together. What do you say?
A. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a
future, but you don't want to rush it.
B. That although you also have strong feelings for her, you
can not honestly say that you'll be ready anytime soon to
make a lasting commitment, and you don't want to hurt her by
holding out false hope.
C. That you cannot believe the Broncos called a draw play on
third and seventeen.

6. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and
you want to spend the rest of your life with
her, sharing the joys and the sorrows the world has to
offer, come what may. How do you tell her?
A. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after
B. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say
her name, and when she turns to you, with the sea
breeze blowing through her hair and the stars in her eyes,
you tell her.
C. Tell her what?

7. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and
asks you to get your three children ready for school. Your
first question to her is:
A. "Do they need to eat or anything?"
B. "They're in school already?"
C. "There are three of them?"

8. When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran
A. When it has turned the color of a dead whale and
developed new holes so large that you're not sure which ones
were originally intended for your legs.
B. When it is down to eight loosely connected underwear
molecules and has to be handled with tweezers.
C. It is never okay to throw away veteran underwear. A real
guy checks the garbage regularly in case somebody
and we are not naming names, but this would be his wife is
quietly trying to discard his underwear (which she
is frankly jealous of because the guy seems to have a more
intimate relationship with it than with her).

9. What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation
for the fact that Moses led the Israelites all over the place
for forty years before they finally got to the Promised
A. He was being tested.
B. He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land
when they finally got there.
C. He refused to ask for directions.

10. What is the human race's single greatest achievement?
A. Democracy.
B. Religion.
C. Remote control.
All real men answer C to every question.
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