Humor Have some funny jokes or stories? All is fair game except political, religious or too explicit.

Yep

Old 11-05-2018, 11:42 PM
  #1  
Don Sims
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Was standing at the bar at the VFW one night minding my own business. This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said, "You're kinda cute. You gotta phone number?"
I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?"
She said, "Yeah, I got a pen".
I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."
Cost me 6 stitches........but, when you’re over seventy, who cares?
**********
I went to the drug store and told the clerk "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."
Lady Clerk: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?”;
I said "Nah... She's purty good lookin'........."
when you’re over seventy, who cares?
***********
I was talking to a young woman in the VFW last night.
She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right.”;
I said, “If I did that, I'd be talking to your friend over there instead of you.”
Cost me a fat lip, but.........
when you’re over seventy, who cares?
*********
I got caught urinating in the swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
When you’re over seventy, who cares?
**********
I went to our VFW last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table.
I said, "Good legs."
The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
Cost me 6 more stitches, but.....when you’re over seventy, who cares?
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Old 11-06-2018, 01:59 AM
  #2  
Wildflyer
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I'm over 70, I wonder how many of these I could get away with.
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Old 11-06-2018, 02:01 AM
  #3  
Stick Dude
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Talking

lol,lol,lol!
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