Humor Have some funny jokes or stories? All is fair game except political, religious or too explicit.

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Old 08-28-2007, 07:14 PM
  #1  
Heli Jim
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Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when East Coasters and Californians cross states such as
Illinois, Ohio, Indiana, Wisconsin, Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa, Michigan, Missouri, Minnesota, North Dakota, and
South Dakota, those states' Tourism Councils have adopted a set of information guidelines.



In an effort to help outsiders understand the Midwest , the following list will be handed to each driver entering the state:







1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin likely did

more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.





2. It's called a 'gravel road'. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your car.







3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.







4. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle.

We have a name for those little trout you fish for...bait.







5. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.







6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it! You might hope you

don't have it up to your ear at the time.







7. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad

and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.





8. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.







9. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car you drive on weekends? We're real impressed.. We have a quarter-million

dollar combine that we only use two weeks a year.







10. Let's get this straight - We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.







11. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because they want to. So, you're a feminist... Isn't that cute..







12. Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp, too--and turtle. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.







13. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstates 70, 80, & 90 go two ways--Interstates

29, 35, & 69 go the other two. Pick one and use it accordingly.





14. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's like a religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.







15. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly Understand the concept?



16. Yeah, we have golf courses. Just don't hit in the water hazard, it spooks our fish.







17. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot, his name is "Sir". No matter how old he is.




18. The bill on your hat should turn down at the edges to shed the rain and be centered over your nose to keep the sunlight out of

your eyes. Any other location/orientation makes you look like an idiot.







19. We also speak ENGLISH here, speak it or go away.




Now, enjoy your visit!
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Old 08-28-2007, 07:20 PM
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FlyingMonkey
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I don't know what I will do with all of this info. But I am sure it will help me get rich!


Ahhh... when I looked, all it said was "n.."

Last edited by FlyingMonkey; 08-28-2007 at 08:11 PM.
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Old 08-28-2007, 07:33 PM
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aviatordave
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I can relate to some of those sayings.....

Actually I'm sure Wilbur can relate more....
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Old 08-29-2007, 04:00 PM
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ORD2FRA
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You know you are in a small town when...

Every sport is played on dirt.
Third street is on the edge of town.
The runway of the airport is terraced.
You are run off Main Street by a combine.
The biggest business in town sells farm machinery.
The polka is more popular than disco on Saturday night.
You miss a Sunday at church and receive get-well cards.
You dial a wrong number and talk for 15 minutes anyway.
You write a check on the wrong bank and it covers for you.
The pickups on Main Street outnumber the cars three to one.
You don't use your signals because everyone knows where you are going.
You can't walk for exercise because every car that passes offers you a ride.
You drive in a ditch five miles out of town and word gets back to town before you do.
You are born on June 15 and your family receives gifts from the local merchants because you are the first baby of the year.
Someone asks how you feel, then listens to what you say.
Thank God for small towns ... and the people who live in them.
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