One Liners

11-05-2022, 12:06 PM
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What do you call a meteorologist whose has all of his limbs broken? A weather four-caster!

11-06-2022, 12:26 PM
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Who helps little pumpkins cross the street? The crossing gourd

11-07-2022, 12:06 PM
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When does an increase in degrees not lead to warmer temperatures? When you get your Masters in Art History, but you still can't pay the heating bill.

11-11-2022, 11:53 AM
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Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11-12-2022, 11:54 AM
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Today I put on a shirt with pockets. So now I identify as a marsupial.

11-12-2022, 12:12 PM
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How do cows multiply? With cowculators!

11-15-2022, 12:17 PM
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Did you know turtles have the ability to understand puns? I wish they would have tortoise that in school.

11-18-2022, 12:12 PM
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What Does a Shark Call a Surfboard? A serve board.

11-19-2022, 12:36 PM
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The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blown away by the leaf blower.

11-26-2022, 01:12 PM
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We got our Seasonal bulk in at work today and got Pumpkin Spice Motor Oil. It's for Autumnmobiles

11-27-2022, 12:54 PM
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Why was the baby strawberry crying? Because her mom and dad were in a jam.

11-29-2022, 11:34 AM
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I lost my job as a wine taster. I was fired for not drinking on the job.

11-30-2022, 12:27 PM
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Website....We use cookies to improve performance. Me...Same.

12-01-2022, 10:30 AM
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Why is yeast a popular microorganism? Because he's a fun-guy

12-03-2022, 01:30 PM
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Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says, “Do you smell fish?”

12-04-2022, 12:55 PM
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What do you call a Hammerhead Shark who's operating a Drill Rig? A Flathead Screw driver.

12-05-2022, 12:04 PM
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What did everyone say about Nathan when he got fired from the fortune cookie factory? That’s unfortunate.

12-06-2022, 11:22 AM
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride? A Holly Davidson.

12-07-2022, 12:21 PM
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What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

12-08-2022, 12:34 PM
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What’s a cookie’s favorite rock band? OREO Speedwagon

12-09-2022, 12:38 PM
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I was just on a diabetes information website... It asked if I would accept cookies. Is that a trick question?

12-10-2022, 01:13 PM
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I couldn’t remember how to throw a boomerang but it came back to me.

12-12-2022, 12:47 PM
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The energizer bunny went to jail. He was charged with battery.

12-13-2022, 12:54 PM
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A burglar broke into the house last night. I didn't shoot him, though. I just put the laser dot of the sight on his forehead and my 3 cats did the rest.
Burglars again. I woke up this morning with searing pain in my head. They must have knocked me out and then stolen all the beer from my fridge. I don't remember a thing.

12-14-2022, 12:32 PM
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My wife asked for some peace and quiet while cooking dinner last night..................................so I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.