One Liners
06-26-2022, 12:16 PM
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My wife bought us an avengers puzzle to do together.. I said great. We can put some music on, have a few drinks, and assemble the avengers.
06-27-2022, 12:34 PM
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I never called you stupid. But when I asked you to spell "orange" and you asked if I meant the color or the fruit, it kinda caught me off guard.
06-28-2022, 12:53 PM
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Have you noticed, if you Google the phrase "Lost Medieval Servant Boy. "It comes back with, "This page could not be found."
06-29-2022, 11:34 AM
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I believe pencils are superior to pens, especially for filling out crossword puzzles. Does that make me erasist?
07-01-2022, 12:42 PM
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My friend’s bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast.
07-02-2022, 01:04 PM
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If you don’t pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?
07-09-2022, 01:26 PM
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Celery; for those times that you have an overwhelming urge to bite into water with hair in it.
07-11-2022, 10:45 AM
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The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself, ‘This changes everything.’
07-19-2022, 12:08 PM
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I put my grandma on speed dial the other day. I call it insta-gram.
07-20-2022, 11:51 AM
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My teachers told me I’d never amount to much because I procrastinate so much. I told them, “Just you wait!”
07-25-2022, 12:44 PM
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What do you call a factory that makes pretty good products? A satisfactory.
Why do Seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they would be called Bagels.
Did you hear about the two radio attenaes that got married? The wedding wasn't much but the reception was great.
When is the best time to visit your dentist? At 2:30.
07-25-2022, 12:47 PM
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Why did the Cowboy get a miniature dachshund for a pet? He wanted to get a long little doggie.
Do you know what a tuba player needs in order to fix a broken tuba? A tuba glue.
07-27-2022, 01:01 PM
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What European city has the most insects? Antwerp!
07-27-2022, 01:07 PM
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What do you call a pig with three eyes? Piiig
07-29-2022, 11:51 AM
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Some minds are like concrete... Thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.
07-29-2022, 11:55 AM
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I know blond jokes are popular, but I just don't get why...
I bought a toaster from a Star Wars fan the other day. The first test was a little on the dark side.
Apple have just launched a new customer satisfaction app. iRate.
08-05-2022, 12:37 PM
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Sign at the Urologist's office: URINE good hands.
08-08-2022, 12:04 PM
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Paranoia has reached absurd stages...I sneezed in front of my laptop and the anti-virus started a scan on its own
08-15-2022, 12:20 PM
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Food prices are getting so high, I had to put this weeks order of potato chips on Lays away.
08-15-2022, 12:21 PM
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Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with a slow Internet connection to see who they really are.
08-15-2022, 11:36 PM
homo ludens modelisticus
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Originally Posted by
Don Sims
Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with a slow Internet connection to see who they really are.
That would be very telling in my case
08-17-2022, 12:06 PM
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In dinosaur culture, it's considered really insensitive to wish upon a falling star....
08-20-2022, 11:51 AM
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What do you call a dog with a telephone? I don't know, check the collar ID.
08-22-2022, 12:52 PM
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I recently realized I'm too old to die young!
08-25-2022, 11:44 AM
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A photographer had the lens fall off his camera. He was fined for indecent exposure.
