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Rules of the south...

Old 05-27-2008, 01:34 PM
  #1  
SKYPILEIT
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Talking Rules of the south...

Rules of the South:

Save all manner of bacon grease. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.

Just because one can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can't stay home the two days of the year it snows.

If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four-wheel-drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way: This is what they live for.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and fishing bait in the same store.

Remember: "Y'all" is singular.

"All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.

There is nothing sillier than a northerner imitating a Southern accent, unless it is a Southerner imitating a Boston accent.

People walk & talk slower here.It don't make no never mind.

Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.

The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big ol'", as in "big ol' truck" or "big ol' boy". Eighty-five percent begin their new southern influenced dialect with this expression. One hundred percent are in denial about it.

The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

"He needed killin'" is a valid defense here.

If attending a funeral in the South: remember, we stay until the last shovel of dirt is thrown on and the tent is torn down.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say.

Most Southerners do not use turn signals, and they ignore those who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was on when the car was purchased.

The winter wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait until November.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the tiniest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store, it is just something you're supposed to do.

Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase one it is to be positioned directly in front of your trailer. This is logical bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the trailer and should, therefore, be displayed.

Tornadoes and Southerners going through a divorce have a lot in common. In either case, you know someone is going to lose a trailer.

As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for the vehicle.

You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to find it yourself.

Last edited by SKYPILEIT; 05-28-2008 at 02:31 AM.
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Old 05-27-2008, 05:53 PM
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Eric_N57105
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Originally Posted by SKYPILEIT View Post
You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to find it yourself.
That became a running joke in a group of us who used to travel together. Somewhere in the South, we had asked directions. They started with, "Head out of town and turn right at the ol' Simms place..." We turned right at the only house out of town. It wasn't the ol' Simms place. The ol' Simms place was another 2 miles down the road and it had burned down 20 years before we got there according to the next person we asked.

Eric
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Old 05-27-2008, 06:03 PM
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Bub Steve
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Originally Posted by Eric_N57105 View Post
That became a running joke in a group of us who used to travel together. Somewhere in the South, we had asked directions. They started with, "Head out of town and turn right at the ol' Simms place..." We turned right at the only house out of town. It wasn't the ol' Simms place. The ol' Simms place was another 2 miles down the road and it had burned down 20 years before we got there according to the next person we asked.

Eric
They said the old Simms Place,, Not the new Simms place!!bub steve PS save your Dixie cups,, the south shall rise again!!
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Old 05-27-2008, 06:03 PM
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TLyttle
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Yeah, and when you get to the church at the bottom af the hill, then you've gone too far. Go back to ol' Simms place and turn the other way frum what I said before. That will get ya close...
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Old 05-27-2008, 11:16 PM
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crxmanpat
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"The winter wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait until November." And if you live in Florida any further south than Gainesville, you don't own a winter wardrobe save for a windbreaker that you only use on the brisk morning out on the lake.

"If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the tiniest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store, it is just something you're supposed to do." But if a hurricane is a brewin' (yes, that was pronounced correctly), you are required to line up at Home Depot for plywood, batteries and an overpriced generator.

"Tornadoes and Southerners going through a divorce have a lot in common. In either case, you know someone is going to lose a trailer." Also applies to hurricanes.

"Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase one it is to be positioned directly in front of your trailer. This is logical bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the trailer and should, therefore, be displayed." But don't fergit to tie up yer coon dog under it so's it don't git stolen.

"Most Southerners do not use turn signals, and they ignore those who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was on when the car was purchased." Another reason we don't use turn signals is cause EVERYONE knows where we live.

"Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and fishing bait in the same store." And groceries, and horse feed, and hardware, and the post office, and the police station!
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Old 05-27-2008, 11:18 PM
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Originally Posted by SKYPILEIT View Post
Rules of the South:

Save all manner of bacon grease. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.

Just because one can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can't stay home the two days of the year it snows.

If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four-wheel-drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way: This is what they live for.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and fishing bait in the same store.

Remember: "Y'all" is singular.

"All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.

There is nothing sillier than a northerner imitating a Southern accent, unless it is a Southerner imitating a Boston accent.

People walk & talk slower here.It don't mean no never mind.

Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.

The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big ol'", as in "big ol' truck" or "big ol' boy". Eighty-five percent begin their new southern influenced dialect with this expression. One hundred percent are in denial about it.

The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

"He needed killin'" is a valid defense here.

If attending a funeral in the South: remember, we stay until the last shovel of dirt is thrown on and the tent is torn down.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say.

Most Southerners do not use turn signals, and they ignore those who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was on when the car was purchased.
They don't nowhere else neither!
Originally Posted by SKYPILEIT View Post
The winter wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait until November.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the tiniest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store, it is just something you're supposed to do.
Addendum: the purchase of bread and milk is mandantory, don't matter none that you don't need any.
Originally Posted by SKYPILEIT View Post
Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase one it is to be positioned directly in front of your trailer. This is logical bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the trailer and should, therefore, be displayed.

Tornadoes and Southerners going through a divorce have a lot in common. In either case, you know someone is going to lose a trailer.

As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for the vehicle.

You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, and Old Man Miller's old barn that burned down a few years ago you're better off trying to find it yourself.
A couple more:

Southerners have four "tenses" to any verb:
  1. Intention: "I'm goin to the store."
  2. Preparitory: "I'm fixin' ta go to the store."
  3. Execution: "I'm gone to the store."
  4. Past: "I've done gone to the store."

The National Sport is NASCAR


Hope y'all don't mind this South Cackalackian adding a few touches
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Old 05-27-2008, 11:20 PM
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crxmanpat
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Bah, South Carolina ain't in the South. Ya'll have mountains for chrissakes!
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Old 05-27-2008, 11:39 PM
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Foothills Pat, mere foothills
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Old 05-27-2008, 11:46 PM
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Not to us Florida boys. Them there's mountains!
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Old 05-27-2008, 11:49 PM
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I can remember my grandpa taking me to the "mountains" (family home is in Blairsville, GA). IIRC, Bald is about the only "mountain" in Georgia with a peak above the tree line..
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Old 05-28-2008, 01:44 AM
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Stone Mountain is of decent height.
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Old 05-28-2008, 06:00 PM
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1683'?

We don't even bother putting repeaters on anything that low out here
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Old 05-28-2008, 06:43 PM
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Default Mountains?

My buddy did some longhauling down there in the Southeast, and he didn't see any mountains, maybe because we know every morning what a mountain looks like. This one is 5900' high, and we are 1100' ASL, the peak is less than 2 miles away. And this isn't a particularly significant mountain in our area, except for the 'K" shape of the slide...
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