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Old 06-30-2021, 10:36 AM
  #51  
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A Red Dwarf star, a Main Sequence star, and a neutron star are all hanging out and telling stories.

The Red Dwarf decides to share a joke. He says, "What’s a light-year?"

"It's the same as a regular year, but with less calories!" All three burst into laughter.

After a few minutes the neutron star confesses that he didn't get the joke. Both the Main Sequence star and the Red Dwarf turn to him with confused looks.

Finally the Red Dwarf says, "Dude, you are so dense!"
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Old 06-30-2021, 10:37 AM
  #52  
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An optimist sees a glass half full.

A pessimist sees it half empty.

An engineer sees it twice as large as it needs to be.
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Old 07-01-2021, 11:47 AM
  #53  
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Thumbs up

Someone should make an electronics shop that sells resistors and call it:

The Ohm Depot
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Old 07-01-2021, 11:48 AM
  #54  
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An electron is driving really fast when a cop pulls it over.

"Do you even know how fast you were going there?" asks the cop.

"Of course," replies the electron, "I knew exactly how fast I was going. But I thought this was the highway!"

"The highway?" The cop asks, shocked. "Do you even know where you are?"

The electron thinks for a moment and says, "No."
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Old 07-01-2021, 09:08 PM
  #55  
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Default The trouble with drinking ...

A chemist and his friend walk into a bar.....

The chemist said "I will have an H20"
His friend said "I will have an H20 too"

The friend died 😁
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Old 07-05-2021, 12:01 PM
  #56  
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A man decides to open his own Plant Nursery. After a few months his business starts going under so he goes to apply for a loan

The loan officer goes to the place of business and asks a couple questions.

"Sir do you have a background in the study of plants?"

"No, I just got this company on a whim. I wanted to own my own business and this seemed like the easiest route" replies the man.

"Well I'd like to take a look at your stock room to see how much you've invested in the company."

"Okay" the man says.

The loan officer goes to the stock room and sees it's completely barren with no plants.

"Well, here's your problem! How can you expect to sell plants when you've never Botany??"
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Old 07-17-2021, 11:43 AM
  #57  
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Calculus walks into a bar.

He sits down and orders a pint. The barman notices him scribbling some notes on a napkin and asks what he's writing.

Calculus replies, "Oh this... I'm just working on a new formula..."

"I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave." says the barman, "I can't let you drink and derive".
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Old 07-21-2021, 01:50 PM
  #58  
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There are many problems with math puns.

Calculus jokes are mostly derivative, trigonometry jokes are too graphic, algebra jokes are usually formulaic, and arithmetic jokes are pretty basic.

But the occasional statistics joke is an outlier.
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Old 07-22-2021, 12:53 PM
  #59  
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Lightbulb

There once was a mathematician.

He made it his life’s goal to tackle one of the greatest unsolved calculus problems in history. For months he worked, filling blackboards with numbers and lines, to no avail.

After a year of struggling, he was ready to give up. He pulled out the bottle of wine that was *meant* to toast his success, popped the cork and poured a glass.

After drinking it half way, he stood staring at his work, just hoping for some glimpse of clarity. On finishing his glass, he found a typo in an equation, and cautiously corrected it. He poured another glass.

Halfway through the second, he noticed another transcription error and fixed it. Was this finally working? Finish the glass, pour another.

4 or 8 glasses later, and everything is working! Chalk flying, numbers matching, equations balancing, heart pounding! He was doing it! It all made sense! Visions of Nobel prizes and speeches floated through his mind as he put the final touches on his magnum opus.

He sauntered down the hall that night victorious, called an Uber and rode home as the new king of calculus.

The next day, he caught a bus to work, anxious to document his finest work. He arrived to find... chaos. Some of the numbers... not even numbers. For some reason he had circled a number and wrote “threeve?” There were smiley faces and rude drawings.

It was drivel. The mad scribbles of an intoxicated and desperate man. All hope of fame and fortune fell helplessly to the ground.

And that’s when he knew, it was true what they say:

Never drink and derive.
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Old 07-24-2021, 02:24 PM
  #60  
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Smile

Darwin, Freud and the Pope walk into a bar.

Sitting on the counter is a weird, creepy statue. As they walk in, it's eyes seem to follow them.

They approach the bar, and to their shock the statue speaks. "Enjoy your beverages, mortals."

The three are stunned for a moment.

Darwin recovers first. "This obviously is a product of evolution. The statue has evolved and now has the ability to speak. Pure science, nothing to fear."

Freud laughs. "No, no, this is clearly a combination of hysterical delusions, coupled with projection of childhood fears and unfulfilled wishes. I've treated cases like this."

The Pope cries out "Can't you see, this is Satan at work!"

He clutches his crucifix and says "Oh demonic messenger of Hell, I order you to reveal yourself. What in heaven's name are you???"

"I'm a ventriloquist." replies the bartender.
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Old 07-24-2021, 02:28 PM
  #61  
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An engineering student, a geometry major, and a star basketball player are trapped on a desert island

They’re debating how to get off the island or get rescued. The engineering student looks around and sees only a few palm trees and some coconuts.

“We need to cut down the trees and make a raft to sail away on.” He says and starts designing.

“We need a basketball to pass the time.” The basketball player says and walks over to grab a coconut.

The geometry major’s eyes light up and he rushes over to help the basketball player set up a hoop.

“Why are you wasting your time helping him instead of me?” The engineering student sneers as he struggles to tie two logs together with palm fronds.

Instead of answering, the geometry major makes a line in the sand a good distance from the makeshift hoop and hands the basketball player a coconut. The basketball player lines up a shot and sinks it with ease.

With a smile, the geometry student turns to the engineering student.

“Because 3 points always make a plane.”

Then he flies away.
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